


The Reason

by othersideofeternity



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo has a lot of work to do, Canon Universe, Eventual Smut, F/M, Force-Sensitive Characters, Force-bond, Hux is manipulative, Original Characters - Freeform, The Reylo is Strong with This One, a slow-ish burn, but i may play with my own ideas of the Force
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-27 03:27:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16210436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/othersideofeternity/pseuds/othersideofeternity
Summary: Danger does not always come from the outside, and help not always from within. An Episode IX Reylo Fic.





	1. Through It All

Through It All

The door shut and all he could do was gaze up at where she had been moments before. Hux would follow him into the hanger any moment. He could not show any weakness in front of that man, not after his rash decisions had let the Resistance escape. Even knowing this, Kylo struggled to compose his expression that had twisted with pain the moment he felt the bond sever. While physical pain fed his strength, this pain left him weaker than he had ever felt. He had let himself feel hope again, and now he was paying the price.

Kylo shoved his roiling emotions aside; all of them except his anger. He closed his eyes and let his fury rise. He let it burn away the fading image of the girl. The girl that had made him think another future was possible. The girl that, instead of taking his hand, had reached for that lightsaber, effectively tearing up the path that could have saved them all. He savored the heat of his anger as it filled him again. It scorched through his veins and cauterized the wound the girl had torn open. He felt the Darkness again and saw the black and red flames of his power dance behind his closed eyes.

When he opened them again, all traces of Ben Solo were gone.

* * *

Rey closed her eyes and took deep breaths. Her hand shook as she pulled it away from the door switch.

They had been fighting a monster on Crait. Kylo’s fury made him irrational and ruthless, a stark contrast to the man she had fought alongside just hours before. It had felt natural to her, their movements linked fluidly as they took down the Praetorian Guard. Natural to have her back to his, going beyond trust and reaching a state where they fought together through the Force. Natural to throw him the weapon that would strike down the last figure in red. It was decidedly unnatural once they no longer had a common enemy and the blurring lines between their futures separated once more.

What he had said to her afterwards had shook her to her core. _…You come from nothing. You are nothing…_ She had known this, but could not accept it until Ben forced her to say it out loud. She had ran away when Maz had told her, gentle as she had been. But Ben…Ben had wrenched it out of her, the truth she had buried deep for so many years, hoping that she was wrong. Wrong that her parents valued her less than a couple bottles of alcohol. Wrong that she meant nothing.

_But not to me._

His words and the way he said them, an ardent confession he hadn’t meant to utter, had made it so hard to say no when he offered his hand. He understood how it felt to be cast aside. She understood the isolation he felt when he did not fit the form his parents and Master Luke had molded for him. Together neither of them had felt alone.

The man she closed the door on was not the same monster that just ruthlessly destroyed so much of the Resistance. It was the same Ben that understood what no one else could. She felt as if she had just hammered a nail into a coffin, but nothing else could be done. She felt her hope fall as she recalled him looking up at her, his eyes pleading with her one last time to change her mind. The dice had faded from his hands when she flipped the switch, and with them she knew Ben Solo may have faded too. Rey tucked away the small light that remained of her hope for Ben. She turned, set her eyes, and made her way through the Falcon and into the Resistance.

* * *

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren stalked through the command center of the First Order’s new lead ship, _The Phlogiston_. He thought it was aptly named. A chemical released during combustion that did not actually exist. He felt right at home.

After five months, their best engineers had finally discovered the breakthrough he had been pushing them for. The new technology went far beyond what he thought was possible. It did not merely bend the light and signals from the ship so that none escaped. No, it bent the fabric of space itself. They could not be traced and could not be seen. Anything fired at them would pass right through. They effectively did not even exist… until it was too late for the ship’s next target.

Kylo slowed his pace as he reached the windows that looked out to the vastness of space. He had been asleep in his quarters, but had jerked awake once again from a nightmare, or a dream, he could not remember. This time it was different from the others. He had woken with the feel of her fingers barely grazing his, as they had on Ach-To. Unable to sleep or call upon his anger, he sought out the visual of space. He normally found clarity in the many stars and planets waiting to be taken, but tonight the lingering sensation on the tips of his fingers brought up the turmoil he thought he had burned away on Crait.

Kylo Ren walked to the clearing in the command center. He unclipped his lightsaber and assumed a predatory stance, igniting it as he stepped out. If he could not shove them down, he would fight his invisible demons instead.

He glanced at his saber for a moment, reveling in the heat and power that coursed through his arm, before twisting his wrist and saber in a figure eight. Starting with it halted behind him, he swung the blade forwards in a large arc. He flowed easily into his next steps, changing direction and stabbing to his right. He parried three times in quick succession and attacked thrice, his movements growing more aggressive with each blow. He envisioned slicing up through his enemy, then sweeping down and behind him to his right, stepping his foot back to make the blow more effective. He tried to ignore the fact that the last time he had done this move, Rey had put all her weight on his back, using his momentum to drive her forward and Force kick three Praetorian Guards away from their protective circle. She had taken his movement and turned it into the perfect balance.

Kylo wrenched around and drove his saber through the memory, hacking through its hold on him repeatedly. Everything around him became a blur as he ferociously attempted to cut it from his life. He spun around again, extending his arm behind him. He whipped his arm and saber forward at a frightening speed, then began a spinning sequence. With each turn his saber accelerated until it was a fiery blur. He let out a guttural roar that filled silence of the command center, focusing his turmoil into blank rage at the leading edge of the blade. He was on the fifth and final turn, which was usually his killing blow, when something else joined the sound of his hoarse voice and ignited blade.

“Trying to kill me?”

Kylo Ren stopped the attack in shock, his saber quivering inches from her neck. The crackling red of his blade illuminated her face, and a single tear was falling down her cheek.


	2. I Can See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning: major character death

_Through It All_ _I_

_Can See_

Rey- earlier that day

Rey woke up to the sound of BB-8 chirping away and knocking his head against her door. Smiling fondly, she got dressed and yelled a thank you at the droid for waking her. She heard BB-8 whirring away down the hall, no doubt to find R2 and tell him once again how he commandeered the AT-ST to save Finn and Poe.

Rey prepared for the important Resistance meeting scheduled for this morning. After five months, they finally had the numbers to step out of hiding and strike back at the First Order.

She picked up Luke’s Kyber Crystal, attached to a string, and placed it around her neck. She pressed it against her, feeling Luke’s energy through the Force. It still emanated peace and purpose. She drew on that, ruminating on how far the Resistance had come. The Resistance remembered Luke as the legend that gave them time to escape. They still idolized him. She remembered him because he proved that no one was gone forever. She had seen his Darkness on Ach-To; a Darkness born from his inaction and inability to face his failure. Cutting himself off from the Force, it seemed, brought him down a road nearly as treacherous as turning to the Dark.

He had found his place with the Force in the end. Through the guidance from his energy she was slowly finding hers. Or so she hoped.

She looked over at the clock on her small night stand.

Alarmed at the time, she bolted. It would not do to be late to a meeting with General Leia Organa, especially not one as monumental as this. She whipped around the corner, only to slide right into Poe Dameron and fall to the floor. Poe stifled his laughter as he regained his balance.

“Hey, I was just looking for you. BB-8 said he woke you.” Chuckling, Poe extended his hand to help her up. She accepted it without a second thought, an easy smile on her face. They fell into the camaraderie that had developed in the last several months.

“What kind of Last Jedi can’t even walk through a hallway without falling head over heels at this dashingly handsome pilot?”

Rey rolled her eyes and smacked him in the chest. Poe feigned hurt and his lips quirked into a half smile. He hadn’t shaved today and his stubble accented the lines of his jaw. He was quite handsome, she had to admit. They poked fun at each other as they made their way through the old Rebel base. The Resistance found the base in an abandoned planet called Arvakai in the Outer Rim. It seemed R2D2 had mapped out more of the galaxy than they thought. R2’s maps gave them the chance to rebuild without the threat of the First Order.

Rey and Poe rounded the hallway corner and entered the conference room. Rey moved as usual, to split from Poe as he assumed his seat as General Leia’s second in command. However, there was unexpected commotion in the room. There were indistinct shouts, but Rey scarcely heard them as her eyes settled on Leia, barely conscious and folded over herself on the floor.

Rey rushed over and placed her hands on Leia’s shoulders. She closed her eyes and reached out with the Force. What she found made her heart sink. Leia’s presence was faint. She called the others over and helped them take the General to the medical bay. Her only solace was the determined feeling the General had pushed to Rey through the Force, telling Rey that she was still fighting.

She left the general in the care of their medical personnel, mentally adding healing skills to the list of things she needed to learn. Rey found Poe, Finn and Rose waiting for her outside of the door. They walked down the hallway to the large common area. The other resistance leaders gathered there after giving orders for their teams to keep the base running through the day.

They waited in somber silence throughout the morning. Finn and Rose held hands, giving each other something solid to lean on in this time of uncertainty.

Late in the afternoon, news came that the General was conscious and lucid. She had suffered a severe stroke. They thought it was a manifestation of the residual damage from when she had been flung out to space, her brain deprived of oxygen for too long.

The General began calling upon those closest to her and next in command. One by one the most important members of the Resistance left to speak with her. When they walked back through the common area, each of them was somber, but moved with renewed purpose. The tightness in their eyes told Rey that Leia did not have much time left.

The numbers in the room dwindled as the red sun crossed the only window in the common area. She watched it, trying to clear her mind.

Finn and Rose went next, leaving her alone in the room with Poe.

Rey’s mind drifted to her brief time with Leia. She recalled her strength and belief that stayed true even in the direst situations. The hug she had shared with Leia after Han’s death was the first motherly hug she could remember. A hug from Leia had a way of holding a person’s broken pieces together until they stuck. Rey felt her eyes sting as she remembered Leia’s belief that there was still Light in Kylo. Leia was the fiercest and most determined, yet also one of the kindest and most forgiving souls she had met. She heard that Leia’s hope for her son had faltered on Crete, but that Luke came at just the right time, reigniting the spark.

Rey jumped slightly as she felt a hand on hers and looked up into the steady eyes of Poe. She struggled to keep her composure at the gesture, still not used to anyone offering her physical comfort.

“Welcome back, Rey. What planet were you just on?” Poe teased her, but his heart was not in it. His frown showed he had also been lost in thoughts of Leia.

Finn and Rose walked back into the room and strode towards Rey and Poe. Tears fell freely down Rose’s face and Finn’s eyes lacked their normal mischievous light.

“She’s ready for you,” Finn said, nodding at Poe. “But prepare yourself, it might be a bit of a shock.”

Poe turned to Rey, “Come with me? We can face this together.”

Rey nodded, recognizing that Poe needed the strength she could offer as much as she needed his. He squeezed her hand and let go as they stood from the bench.

Finn took her shoulders in his strong hands and squared them to him. He must have seen the trepidation in her face and movements. “You’ve got this, Rey.” She nodded again, feeling slightly stronger.

Finn let go of her and returned to Rose. He put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to his side. Rose’s shoulders shook as she turned into Finn’s comfort. She wondered what it would feel like to be held like that.

Rey shrugged off the memory of comforting herself on Jakku and the hundreds of ticks she had scratched into the metal of the forgotten AT-AT she had called home.

She turned and joined Poe. They walked in silence to the medical bay, they air growing heavier as they approached Leia’s room. She stopped outside, suddenly afraid to see her General in such a weak state. She felt Poe’s hand take hers, not entwining fingers, but giving her the warm nudge she needed to step into the room.

Finn was right, she was not prepared to see the General like this. The left side of her face was slack, her eye drooping and her mouth turned down. She didn’t think it possible, but Leia looked smaller, as if she had lost ten pounds in the span of the day. Her body seemed done, but her eyes told a different story.

“Poe. Rey,” the right side of her face smiled, but even that seemed to take great effort. “I’m sure you are wondering about our big plan from this morning.” Leia was all business, on her death bed. Rey looked at her incredulously, having completely forgotten that they had been about to plan the Resistance’s first offensive move since Crete. “Or not wondering, I see. Well, Rey, I will talk to you first. Poe, if you could step outside?”

Poe obliged, leaving Rey uncertain of where to stand in the immaculately clean medical room.

“Come here, Rey, and hold my hand,” Leia raised her right hand ever so slightly and Rey quickly dropped to her knees besides Leia’s bed. Her hand was cold, but warmed quickly as Rey wrapped both of hers around it. “For those before you, I had words and instructions to keep them going. I have some words for you, but mostly I wish to show you something. Open your mind and find me through the Force.”

Rey closed her eyes and reached out. She immediately found the shining beacon of Light that was Leia Organa. Her heart dropped when she realized Leia’s presence came more from outside of her body than within. Leia’s soothed Rey’s worry and proceeded to guide her towards a series of memories…

_A younger Leia and Han look on from their chairs as a young boy with wild black hair sits in the dirt. He is no older than five. The little boy rolls around and chortles, dirtying his tunic. He stops on his back and gazes at the dust floating in the air. The boy reaches out a hand, and the dust freezes in space. It then begins to flow in shapes like a flock of birds, mesmerizing. The boy stares at it in wonder, as if he hardly believes he is the one to making it happen._

_Leia is outside with little Ben and he offers her a stone he found in the yard. The stone is densely layered and beautiful, a dozen shades of blue and green. It almost glows. Leia holds the stone in her open palm and looks at her son, smiling. Little Ben closes his eyes and makes it rise from her palm. He then uses the Force to nudge the stone gently towards his mother’s heart to hover there. He opens his eyes to see his mother holding the rock over her heart. Little Ben lifts his hand, places it over hers and looks up. They both smile and Leia pulls him in close for a hug. She stands and spins him around. He laughs, then protests in embarrassment when he sees other young children approaching, undoubtedly there to play._

_Ben is eight, standing on his tip toes trying to be as tall as his dad. His dad leaves and she sees the disappointment on the young boy’s face. He turns to his mother, to find her shaking her head as she talks with some political leader. Eight year old Ben ventures outside, alone, as if he had done it many days before._

_Ben is eleven, and the wonder that frequently flitted across his younger face has been replaced by something else. Leia walks outside to find her son touching an eerie black vine growing out of the dirt, talking to it. Ben is in a trance. Leia’s eyes widen in fear. She yells at him to get away from it. He stands, staring her down, and walks past her and away from his home. Later, Ben returns to find his mother crying. He crawls into her lap, apologizing. He promises not to talk to the black vine, should it appear again._

_Han comes home for a weekend. A young teenage Ben, now taller and lanky, proudly shows his father that he has discovered how to heal a small animal’s broken leg. The animal flits up and down Ben’s arms and shoulders excitedly. Han smiles, but is distracted when Leia came calls him over, her face angry. His parents fight and Han leaves again, not even staying for a night._

_Ben walks out of the house later that night, agitated. The small furry animal is resting on his shoulder, its tiny arms and face burrowing into his hair to fall asleep. Ben then notices the black vine. It is larger than the last time he saw it. He halts and kneels next to it. Its tendrils reach out and seek him. It speaks to him somehow and Ben replies. After a while, a Darkness comes over his face. Ben stands and breaks the animal’s neck. Leia pulls the curtain back from where she is watching, horrified._

_The next morning, Ben finds the dead animal. The black vine is nowhere to be seen. Ben is distraught at the sight of the limp body as he realizes what he has done. His hands fly to his hair, pulling at it as his face falls apart. He falls to the ground and digs it a grave, burying the small form. Ben walks back to the house to find it empty. He sits alone, looking utterly lost. Leia watches from where she stood frozen. She had been walking back from speaking with Luke all night. They had discussed for a long time what could be done for Ben. Leia finally walks the rest of the way back to the house. She finds her son folded against a wall. She sits beside him and pulls him into her lap. The previously towering young Ben seems impossibly small as he folds in his mother’s arms. She holds him as his shoulders shake, letting him work through his turmoil. Eventually, he relaxes and his breathing finally slows and Leia finds a blanket for her son. She is hopeful that this time his remorse may prove enough to keep him from speaking to the Dark that sought him out._

_That incident would not be the last. Rey sees more images of a conflicted Ben, making decisions and regretting them, only to let the Dark coax him once more._

_Luke arrives in his ship, more youthful than Rey had seen him. Luke informs Ben to pack his bags and that he will train among the other Padawans. They will leave the following morning. Ben questions his mother, but she remains silent. She cannot say that she does not know how to save her own son._

_Luke and Leia talk intensely as Ben waits on the ramp of Luke’s ship. Both his hands are clenched into a fist. From his right fist, Rey sees a small tendril of that black vine eerily waving in the air. It casts a shadow on Ben’s hand in every direction, despite the bright sunlight, before receding into Ben’s grasp and out of sight. Luke and Leia are oblivious to the Darkness that Ben takes with him as he walks up the ramp and into the ship._

Leia released the memory and Rey came back to the present. Anger takes her as she wonders how they could have let their son fade and turn right before their eyes. Han was never there. She then remembered Ben’s words as he interrogated her. _He would have disappointed you._

Rey looked at Leia and her harsh words die in her throat. The right side of Leia’s face was twisted with the regret and pain those memories brought to the surface. Leia answers the question Rey left unsaid, “Han was never one to stay in one place. It worked for us in the beginning, as I was so busy with the politics, so he could travel when I was engrossed in that. When we had Ben, our family’s needs changed, but we did not. Sure, we had the good times too. We travelled together often, but Ben became more troubled, and his Darkness eventually grew beyond my ability to reach him… I was too busy holding this galaxy together to notice my own son being ripped apart.” She uttered that last sentence in a whisper, as if saying it quietly could make the demons of her past have a weaker hold.

“Rey, we all failed him. First Han, then myself, then Luke. We gave up on him when he still had a foot on either side. I thought it was Ben himself that had gone dark. I didn’t know the hold that Snoke had on him even then.” She paused for a long moment, her confession seemed to ease the tension etched on her face. “I showed you this because I need you to bring him back. And I think you are the only one who can do it.”

“But I’ve already disappointed him. I shut the door on him after he offered to rule the entire galaxy with me. He will never let me back in.”

“That’s what each of us thought when we shut him out, but we were all wrong, Rey. He had the chance to kill me, but he didn’t. It was the TIE fighters, not him, that blew up our command center. After what Luke said, I have hope. I need you to promise that you will try. If we go on like this, the Resistance and the First Order will fight forever, but if their leader can see a new way, then we have a chance at a more stable future.”

Rey nodded, resolutely accepting the General’s last mission for her.

“Thank you, Rey. And now it is time for us to say goodbye.”

She stood and bent over her General. Rey hugged Leia like she had been hugged after Han’s death. She held the woman until Leia felt hole again, whispering that it was not her fault, telling her that she would bring her son home. Rey could only hope she could keep her promise.

Rey left the room and watched as Poe entered. She listened for a brief moment, as Leia talked about the succession of command. She was surprised when Leia informed Poe that he would take her place as the Leader of the Resistance. She walked away as the conversation grew more personal.

Instead of returning to Finn and Rose in the common area, Rey walked to the nearest exit of the base, needing fresh air to think. The sun began to set as Rey climbed up the nearby rocks. The growing shadows allowed her to remain unseen by those inside the base. The exertion of climbing helped to focus her mind.

She climbed until she found her favorite ledge and perched on a large rock as she watched the sun sink. It painted rich colors on the rocky landscape before her, bringing a modicum of peace to her thoughts.

She could feel it when Leia let go, her bright Light fading. Leia left feeling accomplished and hopeful.

Rey sat on her ledge well into the night, trying to sort through the memories Leia had given her. Rey was glad everyone had the chance to say goodbye, until she realized that Ben may never get that chance. She thought of Ben and the connection they had formed. She could still fell his fingertips on hers whenever she thought of that night in Ach-To. _You are not alone._

Trying to shake the feeling from her fingers, she moved from her sitting position. She stood and looked out into the rocky emptiness a few minutes longer.

She was about to begin her descent when she felt a familiar pull on her mind and the sound of the blowing wind grew quiet.

He stood with his back to her, draped in black and looking at his ignited lightsaber. He was focused and did not notice her presence. She watched as he began to cut down invisible enemies. The aggression with which he moved was intimidating. His presence took up an incredible amount of space. He made a sweeping motion, stepping his leg back, and she remembered their fight together.

After that move, he flung his saber with increased ferocity, yelling with rage at his unseen demons. With a jolt she realized exactly _what_ he was fighting tonight. Not the Resistance, but the _memory_ of those who had turned their backs on him. His face was twisted in fury and pain as he began to spin the saber, gathering his momentum and letting out another gut-wrenching yell. _Let the past die. Kill it if you have to._ He wanted the past to die and now she understood why. The past was his pain.

She spoke at the last moment. As she spoke, a tear that had been gathering in her eyes began to fall.

“Trying to kill me?”

She felt the heat of the saber as it stopped at her neck. She did not flinch, knowing it could not hurt her. His face showed his shock and he slowly lowered his saber, leaving it ignited. He regained his composure and watched her tear fall in silence, ignoring her question.

Rey felt her compassion rise as she looked at him. For a moment, his face gave everything away. His warm brown eyes tightened with some unknown emotion. He tried and failed to assume the blank mask that was Kylo Ren. He had never been good at that around her. He was breathing heavily from exertion and the piece of hair that fell on his face was damp with sweat. If possible, the scar on his face seemed more prominent than before.

When he finally spoke, his tone was quiet, and his soft lilting voice washed over her once again, “Why now, after all this time, would the Force bring us together again?”

Rey knew the answer. She hated that she had to be the one to tell him. Especially considering what she now knew about his past.

“For once, I might know the answer to that... It’s your mother. Leia…She…”

This time Kylo was successful in placing a mask of indifference on his face. “Say it.”

She hesitated again, reluctant, and afraid of his reaction.

“Your mother is dead.” More tears rolled down Rey’s face. She couldn’t fight the hitch in her breath as Kylo remained impassive.

“How?”

“A stroke. Residual damage from her unprotected time in open space.”

He nodded. He was silent for a long time. Rey looked down, unable to watch as this monster accepted the news of his dead mother as if they were discussing the latest solar flare. She felt her hope for Ben Solo dim once more.

Then he broke their silence.

“Take me to her.”

Rey looked up and was taken aback by how close he was standing. She had not noticed him move. His face was still emotionless as he towered over her. They locked eyes. She nodded and began descending the rocks she had climbed.

He disappeared while she navigated her way down the rocks. When she reached the ground, he was once again beside her. He inclined his head when she cast a sideways glance at him, indicating he was ready.

Rey walked back into the base with Kylo Ren beside her, invisible to anyone else. She sensed he was following her by walking through his ship, though she didn’t know where. She walked into Leia’s room and looked at the tall figure beside her expectantly.

“I cannot see her. Only you,” he reminded her. “Stand on her right side and I will join you.”

Rey moved to stand by the prone figure of Leia. Leia’s hands were crossed over her chest. Kylo Ren moved and stood to Rey’s right side. They stood close, their sides touching. She could feel the tension radiating off of him.

“How does she look?”

“Peaceful now. Like she accomplished what she came here to do.”

“Peace is a face I never saw on my mother,” he mumbled softly, almost to himself.

Rey watched as he took the glove off his left hand and placed it in his pocket. His hand was clenched when he removed it.

He slowly extended his arm to hover his fist over his dead mother, reaching out to her, but seeming to fight the urge as well. His brow furrowed, frustrated that he could not see her.

Rey took a risk and reached for his hand. He tensed for a moment and looked at her, before relaxing when he realized what she intended to do.

Rey guided his fist over his mother’s heart, her own heart clenching at the memory of a younger Ben doing the same thing as a child. She lowered his hand until it pressed against Leia’s heart. She heard the man beside her inhale sharply. She watched as he collapsed and folded down to his knees. That could only mean one thing.

“You can feel her too. As long as we remain connected.”

He nodded and she felt his larger hand relax and unfold, hers still covering it. He lowered his head until it rested over their hands, not quite touching. She heard him say something, but could not make it out. His hand flexed beneath hers as his shoulders shuddered. After a few moments, he regained control of his composure.

They remained like for another minute, before she heard a patrol walking towards them in the hallway.

He raised his head to look at her. His eyes were swimming.

“Thank you, Rey.”

He disappeared, and the strange blanket of silence lifted.

Rey looked down at her right hand, which was still hovering over Leia’s chest. She noticed two things.

The back of her hand was wet. And, tucked in Leia’s hands, resting over the woman’s heart, there was now a stone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that had to happen so soon. All the love for our Space Mom.
> 
> Tumblr: @whereillbetheothersideofeternity


	3. We Are Too Different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some fire, some alcohol, and a trip to Canto Bight.

_Through it all_

_I can see_

_We are too different._

* * *

 

Kylo stared at the empty space to his left. Saying goodbye to his mother left him feeling bare. He waited for the anger to return, to guide him away from the uncomfortable feeling of sorrow, but tonight it refused to come. He hated feeling this way. It made him vulnerable and powerless. Weak.

Restless and agitated, he stood and paced his quarters. This sorrow was completely foreign to him. The last time he felt it was when he killed his father, but he had been able to push it aside because he still had a purpose; to go after Rey and kill the traitor. Tonight, he had no enemy. No outlet. No purpose. It felt like something was trying to crawl its way out of his chest, but it hit a contracting wall of stone. He as good as killed his mother, even if he didn’t press that trigger. He yelled in frustration, but it only made him feel worse.

He had let a few tears fall, right onto Rey’s hand, as he had tucked the stone into his mother’s hands. With _her_ there he was miraculously able to let this torment out of its cage. But now? Now nothing made it to the surface. The sorrow was trapped once again with no way out, and he wanted it gone. After everything he had done to forget the past, he was still being torn apart.

With great effort, he tried to compact the turmoil, but this time he simply could not do it. It battered at its cage, trying to break free, but it was like light in a black hole. It had no way to escape so it tore at him from the inside instead.

In desperation, he projected out with the Force, hoping to find something, anything, that could help him.

He paused, not believing his discovery. He could feel the stone and where it was. In the hands of the only person that understood him. Rey must have picked it up. He expanded his search out from the stone, curious... some planet in the Outer Rim. On an abandoned base.

He knew where she was.

* * *

 Rey clutched the stone, unable to explain how Ben had left it behind. It seemed to be made of more than just mineral. She opened her mind towards it, and could feel _something_ that had permeated an organized lattice of minerals within. Before she could delve further, the guard that had been approaching the room began to open the door. She hastily tucked the stone into the folds of her tunic.

The guard opened the door, but apologized hastily and left when he saw who was in the room. Rey let out a breath she was unaware she was holding. She then returned to her room, exhausted.

As she crawled into her bed, she removed the rock, intending to investigate it. However, her eyes were already lidded as she settled in for the night and she fell asleep with the stone by her side.

* * *

 Kylo stood in the command center waiting impatiently for General Hux. After another ten minutes went by, Kylo was fuming at the General’s blatant disrespect. Under Snoke, the General had never been this obvious about his dislike for Kylo around the other commanders. These days, Armitage was always jutting his toes over the line. His reluctance and attitude about following Kylo’s orders could pave the way for insubordination of others under his command. This was unacceptable.

And yet, Hux was valuable in strategy and his ability to command their forces. Kylo had no desire to control the troops in this war, so he needed the weasel. He knew Hux wanted full control over the First Order, but didn’t stand a chance against the Master of the Knights of Ren. So, here Kylo stood, fighting against his desire to choke the life out of the ungrateful mangy little…

“ _Supreme Leader_ Kylo Ren, how can I be of service?” Hux’s voice was dripping with disdain.

Kylo’s hand twitched towards his saber. He caught himself in time and balled it into a fist before he made that rash decision. Hux kept walking towards him, stopping only when he stood at a recklessly disrespectful distance, challenging him. Kylo noticed the other officers in the room, watching their interaction. He sighed inwardly. He would have to put Hux in his place. Part of him would enjoy it.

With two decisive gestures, Kylo used the Force to shove Hux to his knees and twist his arms behind his back. He only stopped when Hux’s face began to show pain. Well, he twisted a _bit_ further than that.

Kylo towered over the man and spoke in a low voice, “Do _not_ make me wait again.” Hux regained his defiance and glared right back. Kylo twisted his wrist, effectively wrenching Hux’s arms further. Any more and they would pop out of their sockets. “Do we have an understanding?” Kylo began forcing Hux’s upper back into an arch. His vertebrae grated against each other.

Finally, Hux broke, “Yes, Supreme Leader.”

No disdain, but no hint of real respect either. That would have to do for now. As he released the man, Kylo wondered how far Hux was willing to go. He gave the General a moment to regain his bearings.

Once Hux was again standing, and at a decidedly more respectful distance, Kylo spoke again, “I’ve discovered a way to find the Resistance. Which is more than can be said of your progress in the last five months.” Hux was holding his arms gingerly. Kylo gave him a pointed look before continuing, “I essentially placed a tracker through the Force. I’ll need time to look through the old maps, but we will have their location by tomorrow evening.”

Hux was immediately more compliant, and the two began discussing their plan of attack. The other commanders in the room approached and added their input, once they were certain nobody’s arms were going to be ripped off.

* * *

 A large pyre was assembled outside of the Resistance Base. General Leia’s body was carefully placed at the top, her arms folded across her heart. The Resistance surrounded the pyre and each member held a wooden branch. Poe stood in the middle of them. His branch crackled softly from the fire at its end. He lowered his branch to Rey’s, who stood next to him. Once hers was ignited, she lowered her branch to the person next to her. The light of the fire spread from branch to branch as Poe began to speak.

“Yesterday, we did not lose our Leader. We gained a beloved guardian. We all know her bravery. Her guidance. Her dedication to a better tomorrow. Tonight, we return Leia to the earth. We cherish her memory and we celebrate her life. Tomorrow, we give her a final place to rest. General Leia, our Light, will take her place among the stars. Let her spark light a fire in your hearts. May she always shine. And may she always light our path.”

Poe looked at the people gathered before him. Each held a piece of the fire in their hands. The sight gave him hope. He nodded to Rey.

Rey stepped forward and closed her eyes to concentrate. She felt the individual points of warmth among her comrades. She raised her hands and lifted each branch of light up. Opening her eyes, she guided the burning branches over their heads to rest at the base of the pyre. Slowly, the pyre took the flame.

Poe stepped forward again to instruct people to get their food and drink. Rey turned towards the fire as it began to lick at the thicker pieces of wood.

Once the people dispersed, Poe turned to join her. Rey slowly reached into the folds of her tunic and pulled out the stone. She turned it over in her hands, before making her decision. She raised it up to Leia with the Force, tucking it into the woman’s hands. Poe looked at her, his eyes questioning.

“Something Leia would want to take with her.” Thankfully, Poe seemed to accept her answer and they turned to get a plate of food together.

Rey, Poe, Finn and Rose sat near the pyre together a while later. Other members of the Resistance had also split into smaller groups. They had been happily sharing memories of Leia. Poe then began telling them the story of a prank he had pulled on his training officer when he was becoming a pilot.

“…So, that night over dinner, after finally he had enough of my bragging, Randy told the whole training squadron that I would be the first to have full controls on a flight! Before I went to bed, I tripped the wires to the front seat control switch so that if he flipped off my controls in the back, his entire control panel would go dark! I told all my cabin mates about my plan that night. When we went out the next morning, everybody watching us and waiting for the show. So Randy is in the front seat, myself in the back. He tells me to take us up and stay steady at 1000. I decide to have a little fun and do some basic maneuvers at 1000. Randy starts yelling. Then, I go to 2000. Randy is practically purple in the face as he flips his control switch on, yelling profanities. Then, he panics when the panel goes dark. I’m still in control and I send us into a free-fall. He starts sending his goodbyes through the radio. Pretty sure he pissed himself. I pull out of the dive at the last second. For the longest time he was _convinced_ that the Force saved us that day! You should have seen his face at our commencement when I told him the truth.” Poe was overtaken with mirth at the memory. They all laughed at Poe’s antics.

Poe cast a sideways glance at a chuckling Finn, “I think it’s time to really celebrate.” Poe’s face took on a wicked grin as stood up, “I’ll be right back. Sit tight, sweets.” He winked at Rey and smiled mischievously at Finn, who grinned right back.

He returned a couple minutes later with two large flasks. He handed one to Finn and Rose and sat down next to Rey with the other. Rey was laughing at a Stormtrooper joke Finn had just told.

“Let us drink to Leia!” Poe raised the flask and took a swig. Finn and Rose followed suit.

Poe offered the flask to Rey. She reluctantly took it in her hands and suddenly didn’t feel so much like smiling. She held the entire reason why she had spent most of her life utterly alone. She had never tried a drink before. After learning the truth about her parents, she never wanted to.

“Go on, take a sip! It won’t kill ya,” Poe nudged her, incorrectly interpreting her hesitation.

Rey couldn’t tell him why she was reluctant without opening the utter mess that was her conversations… her connection? ... with Ben. She didn’t even know what to call it. Ill at ease and fighting the urge to violently chuck the thing in the flames, she took a small sip before shoving it back at Poe’s chest. It burned on its way down and made her cough. _Her parents had given her up for_ this _?_ Poe took another swig before handing it back to Rey. She took it and another sip. It went down easier this time and she felt warmth spread in her belly. She hated it. She couldn’t hold it against her friends though. After all, she was the one who talked to the enemy and kept it from them. She decided that each sip would be a punishment for her secrets.

With each sip, she felt a little better about what she held hidden. To her surprise, she eventually began to enjoy herself as they told more jokes and swapped stories. It turned out that Rose and her sister were quite the pair growing up.

Much later, Finn and Rose were cuddled up under a blanket, with rose snoring softly. Poe had dozed off with his head resting against a rock, but not before Rey had noticed him staring longingly at the pair. Rey got up and went for a walk alone.

The large moon was bright tonight, so she had no trouble seeing as she ventured out. She felt light and slightly off balance as she walked away from the dying flames of the pyre. She had consumed more alcohol in her than she thought.  

Rey wrapped her blanket tightly around her and waddled like a penguin, chuckling to herself when she tripped over a rock. She continued to walk until she could no longer hear the conversations coming from the huddled groups surrounding the pyre.

She eventually found a place to sit down and began using her fingers to trace patterns in the dirt. She grew somber again as she thought about her parents. With the alcohol, the hurt that usually came when thinking about her parents had lost some of its strength. For the first time, she allowed herself to think about what the revelation had meant. The drink kind of made her forget about the war... She wondered if they thought of her that way, baggage they didn’t want to remember. They used her as a way to buy the drink that could make them forget about her. She cast these thoughts aside, deciding to enjoy the warm fuzzy feeling in her head instead. Perhaps this alcohol wasn't so bad, if used for the right reasons. But in her state she couldn't tell what those were.

A strange buzzing began in her ears, followed by a pulling sensation. She glanced up slightly to see bare feet and long black pants. On a whim, she used the Force to chuck a couple small pebbles at him, before dramatically swinging her blanket up to protect herself from a counter attack. She chortled.

“What in the..?”

She peaked out from behind the blanket and slowly moved her eyes up. Another snicker escaped from her lips and she quickly covered her mouth. He was missing his shirt again.

“Are you… drunk?”

“No, I’m my parents,” he looked confused at her statement, but it made perfect sense to her. Following her parents' footsteps. Drunk. Which made it sting a little less. How strange.

He moved and crouched down next to her, much like he had in that interrogation room. He lowered the blanket down to look at her. He almost looked worried, “What is going on?”

Rey laughed as she got an idea.

“You’re my guest,” she said, lowering her voice and doing her best impression of his voice from behind his mask. His lip twitched a fraction. Then, he grew serious again.  _Maybe he was capable of smiling._

“Who did this to you and why are you alone?” He seemed angry. This puzzled her. She just looked at him. Then she looked down, suddenly noticing how close his bare, muscled chest was to her.

With her finger under the blanket, she reached out to poke his chest, but his gloved hand caught hers before she could try. She scrunched her brow and huffed like a toddler.

“Rey, focus. You shouldn’t be alone if you’re like this.”

“Why would you care?”

He was taken aback by her question and couldn’t seem to find an answer. He returned her hand to her and changed the subject, “Somewhere on Canto Bight. A child. A young boy. Have you felt it?”

She looked up and met his eyes, puzzled. Her eyes were growing drowsy… She let them close… Just for a moment.

“Rey!?” Poe’s voiced called out from the smoldering fire. Reys eyes shot back open. Ben was nowhere to be seen. She got up and made her way to Poe, swerving slightly. He helped her back to their group spot by the fire and fetched her another blanket for her to use as a pillow. She snuggled in and feel asleep quickly.

That night she had strange dreams about a young boy in raggedy clothes. He sat in a stable looking at the ring he was holding, illuminated by the lantern on the wall. The boy rolled over and pulled a blanket over him. As the boy closed his eyes the lantern went out, though no one had touched it.

* * *

 In his quarters, Kylo pulled out a strange glowing object from underneath a floor panel. He put his right hand over it and lowered his head in concentration. After a moment he spoke, “Knights of Ren,” the object pulsed, revealing a complicated pattern, “Tomorrow night we go to Canto Bight. Potential Force sensitive ready for training. Retrieve without attracting attention.” The object pulsed again, a confirmation. Kylo put the object away, a worried expression on his face.

There were so many things that could go wrong.

* * *

 Rey woke up and looked around. Most people were still sleeping. She got up and made her way over to what remained of the pyre. A couple of coals were still glowing softly. She was about to turn away when a flicker of light caught her attention. She bent over and brushed the ashes away from the source and picked it up.

It was a crystal, about half the size of her palm. It was oddly shaped and refracted shades of blue and green. It had the same feeling as the stone, as if something familiar was stored within it. Rey joined it to Luke’s Kyber crystal tied around her neck and tucked them under her tunic.

The rest of the resistance slowly woke up in various levels of disorientation. They made their way to the common area inside the base for breakfast. A small group stayed behind gather the ashes from the pyre and carefully settled them into a container.

After breakfast, the Resistance was all business. Today, their offensive maneuvers would begin. Poe was in the middle of instructing her on her mission when she remembered her dream.

“Wait! Poe, there is something else I have to do.” She quickly explained her dream to Poe and the slight quiver she could feel in the Force. She omitted the fact that Kylo Ren had been the first to notice it, and that he had called her attention to it the night before.

“Poe, none of our offensive moves matter if we lose a potential Force user to the First Order! I have to try to find him and bring him to the Resistance.”

Poe finally agreed, then went off to finish the final details on the Resistance’s other two missions. One large task force was retrieving a refugee camp. If their sources were correct, this group of Resistance-hopefuls would nearly double their numbers. The other large group was going to a confirmed First Order weapons base to destroy it. Before all of this, they were to give Leia her final send off.

As the sun was high in the sky, nearly all of the Resistance was in their respective ships. Only ten of them stayed behind to keep things running at base. Poe was leading the weapons base mission. Finn and Rose were retrieving the refugees, leading that group. Rey was in a small ship, ready to make her trip to Canto Bight.

All of the ships left the orbit of Arvakai, turning towards the system’s central star. Their lead ship ejected the pod containing the ashes from the pyre of the night before. The pod ignited and sped towards the star. One by one the ships left, emboldened by the knowledge that Leia would always be lighting their way.

* * *

Rey dropped out of hyperspace and into the orbit of Canto Bight. She descended and landed in the guest hangar. As she stepped out of the ship, the young teenager that was working the hangar gawked at her openly. She quickly wrapped her long dark cloak around her and walked towards the casino entrance.

Poe had briefed her on the gambling culture here, and by some unfortunate miracle a woman on the Resistance base had brought her fancy wardrobe with her. So here she was, uncomfortable in a fitted dark grey dress. It had one shoulder strap and dropped indecently low in the back. There was a slit on the strap side so that she could move without too much restriction, should she have to make a hasty exit. The dress material had a slight shimmer to it. She adjusted it uncomfortably. It was entirely impractical and unnecessary, but Finn and Poe had insisted it was her best shot at blending in. She had never felt so exposed. Rose had helper her with her hair so that it flowed softly down her back. The hair bothered her and she scowled as she fought the urge to throw it up in her signature buns. At least the shoes she wore felt secure enough to run in, should the need arise.

As she entered the casino lobby, a male Twi’lek took her cloak to check it. She continued walking, feeling vulnerable and out of place, but no one gave her a second glance as she walked into the main doors. She had no weapon on her, as it would attract too much attention.

She was amazed by the energy in the room. People were yelling boisterously and every so often a group gathered around a table would erupt in simultaneous cheers and groans. She moved towards the exit, weaving through the tables and slot machines as if she was perusing for the one that felt lucky.

When she finally got outside, she breathed a sigh of relief, much more comfortable now that she could see the stars again. She made her way past the small crowds of people mulling around the outdoor square. She took the street on the right as Finn and Rose had instructed, making her way to the stables. She felt out with the Force and walked faster when she felt another energy, right where the stables should be. She was excited to meet this kid.

The people on the streets were gradually thinning out as she got further from the casino. She walked a couple blocks. When she took her next turn, there was no one to be seen. She noticed how the streets were becoming dirtier and uneven. After making her next turn, she heard footsteps approaching from behind her. She faced the sound and cautiously backed into a narrow alleyway. The footsteps were drawing closer and she started to crouch down, looking for a better place to hide.

Out of the shadows, a tall dark figure grabbed her. She was half pushed, half carried into a protected corner of the alleyway. Her back was against the stone wall. She quickly tried to push the figure away with the Force, but it didn’t budge. Realizing she was trapped, her heart began pounding in panic. Looking up, she found the eyes of Kylo Ren staring back at her, imploring her to stay still.

Alarmed, she opened her mouth to yell and started to struggle, but he quickly put two fingers to her lips to silence her and pressed her tighter against the brick wall, effectively trapping her with his body. She stilled.

He turned his head down. His breath tickled her bare shoulder as he spoke so quietly she could barely hear him, “Stay still. Don’t make a sound. Please.” She obliged, surprising even herself.

The footsteps were getting closer and she saw him clench his jaw. She wondered what in the galaxy would make a powerful Force user like Kylo Ren want to hide… Or hide her?

The footsteps approached the alleyway. There had to be at least six people, talking in low tones. Kylo’s entire body tensed at the sound. She felt his hand flex and was made acutely aware how that arm was wrapped around her, his hand firmly holding her bare back. Her heartbeat began to accelerate for an entirely different reason. He seemed to notice too, but made no effort to adjust his grip. His hand clenched marginally on her bare skin.

Two pairs of footsteps began to approach the alleyway and Kylo silently removed his fingers from her lips to raise his hood. He lowered his head down so that the hood could cover her face as well. Her head was now tucked between the hood and his neck. She swore she felt his lips graze her bare shoulder. She didn’t know if it was intentional or not.

“Go with it,” he whispered as the footsteps entered the alleyway. He suddenly reached down with his free hand, finding his way to the slit in her dress. He glided his hand to the back of her leg and pulled it up to wrap around his hip. Her breathing hitched and the little air between them was suddenly unbearably warm.

The footsteps walked into the alley and she heard their voices as they rounded the corner. They looked around and stopped when they saw the pair. Rey realized how this would look from the outside.

“Just a couple making out, keep moving.” The footsteps left the alley and began to fade away.

Kylo stayed still, no doubt listening to make sure the footsteps did not return. Eventually, he began to relax.

They slowly raised their heads, his face now hovered inches from hers. Rey noticed his breathing was uneven and his eyes were incredibly dark. She felt herself getting lost in them as he looked down at her face, searching her. She could feel every inch of his long frame pressed against her smaller one. He was still holding her, pressing her closer to him. His hands seemed to flex out of their own volition, causing her to gasp again and tilt her head up. His forehead now pressed against hers and his hair dropped down, the ends tickling her temples. He slowly angled his head, his nose sliding against her cheek. She felt his breath against her lips…

Almost reluctantly, he loosened his grip on her leg while sliding his other hand off of her back. She felt her other foot touch the ground. She hadn’t even realized that he had had been holding her up entirely against the wall. He stepped away in a quick movement, creating space, and her hands fell from where they had been clenched against his chest. Rey felt a twinge of disappointment at the distance now between them.

She let out a shaky breath. The places where his hands had been felt like they were branded. She had goosebumps across her shoulder and down her back.

After a few moments, he looked at her, bewildered, still breathing heavily, “You listened to me.”

She ignored his comment, trying desperately to sort out what had just happened between them. She decided to move on from it, scared of what it meant.

“Why couldn’t I sense you through the Force?”

“I hid my Force signature,” he paused, “then our Force signature.”

“Why? Who _were_ they?”

“The Knights of Ren.”

She glared at him suspiciously, her head clearing, “Aren’t you their leader?”

“Yes,” Rey waited as he seemed to decide how much to tell her, “They operate under me, independent, but allied with the First Order due to their ties to me.”

“You _knew_ they would be here,” she couldn’t keep the sudden distrust out of her voice.

He didn’t deny it.

She reached out with the Force, searching for the young boy. She couldn’t feel him anywhere. Kylo assumed an impassive expression. The energy that had coursing between them just moments ago went cold as Rey quickly put the pieces together. Kylo saw the change in her expression and took another step back.

“Rey…” he said, a warning.

With a positively murderous look on her face, Rey started towards him, not caring that she had no weapon. Before she could get any closer, he waved his hand quickly and she felt herself lose consciousness. The last thing she felt was him catching her, his warm hand on her back once more.

* * *

Kylo Ren entered the gangplank to join his Knights. They looked up as he entered.

“We lost you in the casino. What happened?” Jana Ren spoke, a female Knight. An undercurrent of concern was evident in her otherwise sharp tone.

“Yeah, you look like you did after Snoke first poked around in your mind all those years ago,” the Knight sitting at the control panel spoke as he checked a pressure gauge.

“I had something else to attend to. I thought it was a lead on another Force-sensitive, but I… ran into a wall with it.”

They accepted his response without a second thought.

“Where is the boy?”

“Maika is talking to him. He seems receptive, although he is very spirited about the Resistance. He has one of their rings.”

Kylo nodded, “I’ll talk to him next if Maika is unsuccessful. It’s time to leave. Dornan, take us home.” The Knight sitting at the controls turned to begin flight preparations.

Kylo Ren walked over to his seat and huffed as he sat down. As they took off, he got lost in thoughts of how Rey’s small, strong frame had felt pressed against him, her warm breath against his neck. He recalled the way she had looked at him, her eyes boring into his. He felt his body heat and quickly cut off his train of thought.

He ran his hands through his hair, dreading the next time he had to see her. He recalled her look of betrayal as she figured out what he had done. It stung to think how much more she would despise him once she discovered the other half of his treachery. At least she was safe. In time, maybe she would see that it was the only way forward.

* * *

 Rey drove her ship into hyperdrive, absolutely furious. She had woken up disoriented in the alleyway, alone. After searching for the Force-sensitive boy for over an hour, she finally accepted the fact that he was gone. She kicked herself for thinking Kylo Ren would do anything to help her. She had been played like a fool, distracted while the Knights of Ren walked right past her to take the young boy. She would not make the mistake of trusting the lying bastard again. Even so, she could not shake the feeling of his hands on her.

She dropped out of hyperspace to approach Arvakai, ready to throw herself into a mission where she could lash back at the First Order. She flew towards the base, before noticing something was terribly wrong.

There was thick black smoke rising from where the base should be. She quickly reached for her radio, dialing in the frequency to contact Poe and Finn.

“Poe! Finn! Can you hear me?”

Empty crackles. Her heart filled with dread.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is no other resting place for Leia but the heart of a star.  
> Both of Ben's parents are watching over the galaxy and lighting the way. 
> 
> On Rey drinking: She couldn't open up to her friends about her parents without telling them about the Force Bond, so she sips and pretends nothing is wrong. She initially hates the thought of the alcohol, but she will eventually realize that it was her parents, not the drink itself, that resulted in her abandonment. (It did not feel right to resolve this internal turmoil yet, as something like this takes years to overcome.)
> 
> Tumblr: @whereillbetheothersideofeternity


	4. Two Different Sides of the Force

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A certain Knight of Ren figures out her Master's motives. Rey is in more trouble than she thinks.

_Through it all_

_I can see_

_We are too different._

_Two different sides of the Force_

* * *

Jana Ren tilted her head to the side and frowned as she sensed Kylo’s Force signature. It was so rare that she got a chance to observe it. He habitually kept a concealing barricade over his Force signature to keep prying minds from seeing the truth. She absently raised a hand to her head and adjusted the crisscrossing cloth that covered her empty eye sockets.

Jana sharpened her mind on the clear shimmers of Light that marbled through the otherwise shadowed man that she knew. The marbling had always been there, but the veins had gradually thinned ever since Kylo destroyed what Skywalker had built. Something had changed, however, because now they variegated extensively towards his core. A deep-seeded worry for her Master unfolded in her gut. His Light had only ever caused him pain and he paid a deep price each time he let it in. She had been able to help him return to the Darkness that saved him last time, but only just. The Dark may have the ability to consume him, but it was his connection to the Light that had the potential to completely tear him apart from the inside out.

She moved her focus to the edges of his presence. These fringes crackled in their familiar fashion, much like the volatile nature of his light saber. Ever since he had sat in his chair after leaving that planet, these spark-like projections were more erratic than usual, extending further out from his core.

The communicator sounded, rousing her from her deep concentration in her connection to the Force. Kylo took the call.

“Hux. Was the attack successful?”

“That depends on how you define success.”

“Just report the attack. Did we take the base?” His voice was irritated, but his presence was… apprehensive?

“The base is smoking pleasantly.”

“And the people?”

Jana noticed a clear bright vein flare out and undulate erratically as he waited for Hux’s response.

“We estimate only ten were on it at time of attack. All signs of life now gone. Curiously, fifteen of their fighter ships dropped out of lightspeed only _after_ the base was destroyed. They left as quickly as they came.”

Kylo’s core settled measurably at the news of the Resistance escaping. Jana probed deeper as their exchange continued. _Why..?_

“Trackers?”

“Unsuccessful.”

Kylo’s previously agitated edges settled further down to a low hum. The relief he exuded was a stark contrast to how he verbally laid into General Hux.

“You _imbecile_! How did you manage to screw _THIS UP TOO_?” Kylo’s voice rose to a furious thunder, but his signature remained calm. He was and almost… _satisfied? happy?_ No. That’s something he hadn’t been since the early days of their Knighthood. He was no longer capable.

Kylo tore into Hux for several minutes. When he was done, Jana twisted her chair around to face him. She reached out a tendril of the Force to hook around one of his smaller Force flares and tugged gently. She sensed him make his way over to her.

When she knew he was in front of her, she spoke in a low tone, “You are walking on dangerous waters. What happens when Hux finds out?”

“I’ll worry about that when the time comes, Jana.” His force projections bristled at her intrusion. He had reprimanded her on multiple occasions for meddling in his Force signature. Not that it ever made her stop.

“And when were you planning on telling _us_?” She sharpened her tone, making it clear she was upset about his reluctance to share his plans with his Knights. He was silent for a moment as he worked his shell of control and concealment back into place.

“Knew I could count on you to spread the word for me,” he relented. Kylo briefly nudged her with his elbow, reluctantly granting her permission to share what she had discovered.

“And what about you? Her Light could destroy you. I can already see it. You remember—“

“Enough, Jana. Don’t cross that line.” He cut her off emphatically while simultaneously placing the final stone to his barricade, and his signature once again disappeared. He became as dull to her Force Sight as a passing stranger.

She shook her head as she heard him stand and make his way over to the lithe figure of Maika returning from talking to the young force-sensitive boy.

* * *

Kylo passed the hallway that led to a small navigational ship and entered his small living quarters, seeking solitude from his Knights. They were raucously playing a game of cards that they had learned on Canto Bight. He had watched a couple rounds from the pilot’s seat, but had left to contemplate how to train Tavion, the young force-sensitive boy.

It had taken a bit of coaxing to get him to talk. Maika had made a small headway with him, but he was fixated on the Resistance. Ren had talked to him next, only to discover that Tavion had met FN-2187, knew all about Crait, and wanted nothing to do with him. Jana had better luck and had eventually convinced the boy to join them in playing cards under the pretense of getting to know the Knights first and making his decision later. Much to his Knights’ dismay, Tavion was beating them handily. Dornan had commented that the kid could probably swindle Canto Bights entire casino without them knowing. It really wasn’t fair for the rest of them to play against Tavion and Jana, who was so attuned that she could read the dealer like a book.

Kylo looked around at his quarters. The room boasted a small bed and a lounging chair across from each other, with a simple sink in the other corner. He opted for the chair, knowing he wouldn’t be able to quiet his mind enough to sleep. He closed his eyes and focused on the hum of the engines for a while, trying to dim the sound of his Knights yelling as they played a hand.

The sound of the engines and his Knights laughter faded and a familiar hum rose in his ears. Kylo’s eyes snapped open and raked across the room. His stomach dropped when he felt her corrosive anger. She had changed back into her normal attire.

“ _Ren,”_ her voice cut through him like ice. Her whole body was wound and ready to strike. Kylo felt a pang of remorse that he was the cause of her imbalance.

“I _trusted_ you.” She reached to the empty space to her right, her thumb pointed down. Her expression was unnervingly calm, but her eyes blazed with heat that could challenge a newborn sun. Kylo rose from his seated position, wondering how deep their bond could now reach.

 “You kidnapped a child.” She closed her hand and her staff appeared in her clenched fist. There was something else hanging on the end of her accusation.

“Destroyed our base. How could you? Your mother just died! We said goodbye to her only this morning.” He flinched marginally as another pang dove through him at the mention of his mother. He kept his eyes trained on hers. There was another emotion just beneath her anger and Kylo tried to identify it between the lines of her cutting words.

“You couldn’t have waited _one day_ before murdering all my people?” The emotion just beyond reach was something inexplicably painful that she refused to say. He waited, sure it would work its way to the surface. Their connection had a way of leaving them vulnerable.

Kylo shook his head once as his eyes cast down to the floor, then back up at Rey.

Her calm expression broke and her face contorted with her anger. Blindingly fast, she crossed the space between them as she spun her staff around to strike at his left temple. He instinctually snapped his arm up to catch it.

A sharp crack pierced the room as it made contact with his gloved hand.

Kylo’s eyes widened. Rey’s expression mirrored his shock for a moment before twisting in fury once more.

“Why did you do it?” The venom in her voice was harsh, but it was the gaping wound of the betrayal she felt that branded him. She spun around and ripped the staff out of his grasp. It whistled around her head for a second strike. Another crack stung his hand. She didn’t understand, but how could he explain?

“ _SAY SOMETHING BEN_!”

This time when the staff collided with his hand he held on, trying to bury the lance that drove through his countenance at her use of his old name. He didn’t explain, instead he pulled at the emotions he felt broiling just below the surface of her fury. “Everything you’ve said. It’s not why you’re angry with me.”

He did not let go, but tugged her staff toward him, forcing her to step closer. His words had delved right through her armor of anger. He could now see her barriers beginning to crumble as her eyes flicked back and forth between his. “Tell me why. The real reason.” Her ire crumbled to reveal something much worse.

“You.” An accusation. “You know the darkest part of me. And after everything I did for you. That we did together. Then today…” The storm of her emotions escaped her and tumbled over him. The fear she felt made his throat constrict. “The smoke…” Her hands briefly flexed around her staff before she let go of it, as if she was losing her grip on reality. The weapon disappeared and a tear began falling down her face. “…I am alone again. All by your design. As if I mean _nothing_ to you.” He preferred her anger to the hollowness now in her voice. She looked past him, no doubt seeing the smoke still rising. Smoke from the base whose destruction he had ordered.

He felt her anguish as his own, a hollow pit devoid of air. He searched her eyes in earnest until her focus was again on him. He spoke, “My design was everything I could do to ensure that you were _not_ alone. Rey, everything you think. Every reason you have placed behind my recent actions. Forget them.”

Rey moved her hands to hold the end of the string around her chest. She was folding in on herself in an effort to protect herself from what he had done, but also leaning towards him as if his comfort was something she had sought before.

 “How can I forget? When…“ He raised his hands with the intent to settle them on her shoulders, but stopped and let them hover inches from her skin. He caught a flicker of light escaping from the pendants clasped between her fingers. She was unconsciously drawing closer to the comfort he offered, even though he was the reason she was breaking.

“You are so strong. Use your strength to understand.” Everything in him told him to reach out for her. To close the distance between his hands and her shoulders. He then froze when he noticed that she was holding on to two crystals. He sensed them through the Force and his eyes widened as he recognized the essences they held. He continued to speak in earnest as he looked at the crystals in her hand. “You already know. You are not alone. Everything I did was to be sure of that. You know.”

He looked back up at her face to see that Rey had seen the recognition flash across his face. Her guard flew back up and the pull between them vanished.

“It was you, wasn’t it? You located the base,” Rey accused him as she took a step back.

He shook his head, refusing to answer her question. “I am not your enemy, Rey,” he implored, his voice low and genuine.

A knock sounded on the door to his quarters. He turned his head to the door and Rey followed his line of sight, seeing only the space beside him. “Enter.” The door opened as Jana walked in.

Jana spoke immediately, “Hux has called a meeting of all commanders…” she trailed off when she noticed his Force signature wasn’t concealed. She could sense a bridge extending out, reaching for something. He immediately threw his barricade back up. Overtly concerned, Jana whispered, “That Light. It’s bleeding into you.”

“I told you not to cross that line,” he reprimanded, his voice like stone. Kylo glanced back at Rey, who was glaring at him in silent accusation. Her previous question was still burning behind her irises.

“Prepare the holo-transmitter and clear the communications room. I will not be overheard.” And he strode out of the room as Rey disappeared.

* * *

Not believing his eyes, General Hux moved to play the security holocron again. It had taken ages to recover. He initially thought it to be wiped from the system. Only after deploying a debris recovery mission did he find the circuitry that still contained the data.

The projection came to life again.

He watched closely as the scavenger remained still. Leaning closer, he enhanced Kylo’s hand as it turned slowly in unison with the lightsaber next to the throne. It ignited as Kylo’s finger twitched imperceptibly, cleaving the repulsive monster in half. Armitage grinned as he watched the two fight the guard together. Watched as Ren offered his hand to the scavenger, only to be refused.

The projection cut out as they struggled over the saber. This must have been when that woman with purple hair sliced through their ship at light speed. He started turning away from the screen, the last pieces of his plan quickly finding their place in his mind.

The feed came back on. It cut in and out as lines of static rose periodically through the spherical image. The scavenger stood over the unconscious Kylo Ren, her back to the security camera. She knelt down and hovered an ear over Ren’s mouth. A nearly imperceptible sag to the girl’s shoulders signified Ren’s continued breathing. The girl pulled back and moved her hand up towards Ren’s scar. The footage cut out again. When it came back on, he caught a fleeting glimpse of the girl at the edge of the view, running away.

Armitage called a meeting of all unit commanders. As he waited, he spliced out the relevant footage from every existing memory databank and stored it instead in his personal chip. He was placing the chip in his pocket as the men and women arrived. When they filled the room, General Hux turned to address his subordinates.

“As you well know, our attempt to eradicate the Resistance was… unsuccessful. We have reasonable suspicion of one or more traitors within our ranks. From now on, all commands and intellect will remain within the knowledge of those in this room and our Supreme Leader. All Stormtrooper units will report for psyche scans. No mercy will be shown. No reconditioning.” He turned his chip over in his pocket. “Do all commanders give assent?”

Each individual in the room responded in kind. He felt a rush at how these commanders accepted his authority without question, granted this was without Ren in the room. That would be remedied in due time.

As if on cue, Kylo Ren’s projection appeared into the space to Hux’s left. Ren’s expression was carefully constructed. “Supreme Leader. In time for our next order of business.”

As Hux spoke again he watched Ren’s face closely, “Our next action will be to rid the Resistance of their last _Jedi_. We have been gifted with the perfect opportunity.” The miniscule tightening of Ren’s eyes told Hux he had hit his target.

 “We have visual confirmation that the girl is still in orbit around the Arvakai base.” The commander standing closest to Hux moved to inform Hux of a development. Hux continued after the brief interruption. “She has now descended towards the base. As she is currently separated from the Resistance, it is the opportune moment to eliminate their asset.”

Hux turned to Kylo, lowering his head and torso in a sign of respect and submission, if only to hide the upturned corners of his lips.

Ren said nothing for a long moment as he focused on something other than what was in the room. Then he gave his orders, “If the scavenger is investigating what remains of the base, there may be something of value on it. Send two squadrons to the ground, one to permanently disable her ship, the other to search the base for anything of use. Do not engage. I will not have us losing troopers over the likes of the scavenger. Once squadrons are removed, destroy the entire surface of that planet. I assume the Phlogiston is in position?”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” A commander left to set the orders into motion.

Ren spoke once more before he ended his projection, “The Knights of Ren were successful in obtaining the force-sensitive boy and we will begin his training. General Hux, the Phlogiston remains yours to command for the imminent future.”

* * *

 

Rey shifted through the rubble, her eyes burning from the lingering smoke. She had been climbing through the mounds of broken concrete for over an hour. Her portable radio was attached firmly to her belt and it still crackled periodically as it received nothing but the waves of empty space.

She had found several bodies, all charred and in pieces from the force of the explosions. She counted no more than ten, but felt the loss all the same. Guilt boiled inside her at the small relief she felt each time it wasn’t Finn, Poe, Rose, or Chewie.

The other ships that had left this morning were nowhere to be found, on the hangar or elsewhere. This gave her the strength to listen to the crackling of the radio that she knew would eventually come through with a familiar voice. It had to.

She descended the pile she was on with the practiced ease she had developed on Jakku. Halfway down, she felt an odd tug. She paused, trying to make sense of the familiar, yet foreign feeling. It was like a small hook that pulled at her connection with the Force. Rey swiftly finished her descent and assumed a defensive posture, removing her staff from where it had been strapped to her back. She had seen a couple of First Order ships descend a while ago, but she was determined to find any survivors before they did.

She felt the pull again and decided to follow it. Rey made her way through the rubble, keeping a low profile. She constantly scanned her surroundings for signs of movement.

The pull on the Force led her to a small valley in the rubble. Towards the end of the valley, a sheer wall extended and the chunks of concrete surrounding it formed a sizable alcove. She felt the presence inside and recognized who had been pulling her towards the formation in the rubble. Rey tightened her grip on her staff and made her way in.

Bits of light peaked through the cracks, making it easy for her to see Kylo filling the small space. He was forced to bow his head to avoid hitting the sharp edges of concrete jutting over him. He seemed to take up much more space in person. He wore no cape and his black attire lacked the normal sleeves and gloves.

“Rey, you came,” he said with relief in his voice, which surprised her considering the brittle tension from a merely an hour before. “Are you hurt?” His eyes raked over her, searching for wounds.

“Why would I be?” she said warily.

“The First Order is here for you. Hux saw you land. They’ve already disabled your ship.”

“You talk as if you’re not one of them.” Her brain worked frantically to think of a way off the planet. The few ships she had seen in her search of the rubble were damaged beyond repair.

“That’s complicated, but the last thing I want is you as a captive of the First Order.”

Her curiosity got the better of her, “Then what _do_ you want?”

“I want you to join me,” he said without hesitation. The memory of their last real face-to-face encounter echoed between them.

“How could I trust you?”

Kylo moved forward suddenly, whipping his arm up in her direction. Rey quickly raised her staff to defend herself. Simultaneously, she heard the unmistakable sound of blaster fire. She turned around to see the streak of energy stalled inches from her head. Ten yards away in the valley of rubble, a single Stormtrooper was frozen, clutching at his throat.

“Rey. Your staff. It can’t look like it was me,” he conveyed with urgency. She hesitated, her mind reeling from the sudden change in circumstances.

“Go. Now!” Rey ducked below the streak of trembling energy and sprinted across the rubble toward the trooper. Her feet never faltered as she picked the most stable rocks without conscious thought. Once she was close enough, Rey vaulted off a slab that was angled upwards. She whipped her staff around to hit a pressure point between the trooper’s helmet and shoulder pad. The trooper slumped as Kylo released his Force hold. Kylo appeared behind her moments later. He picked up the blaster and quickly discharged the weapon to the left side of the white helmet.

Rey began to protest, “He was knocked out already, you didn’t have to—“

“I told you, they can’t know it was me. Besides,” Kylo dropped the blaster on the ground, “he tried to kill you.”

Frustrated, Rey made to pick up the blaster. A long-range weapon could be useful.

“It won’t work. The blaster. When the armor detects the trooper’s death, their assigned blaster deactivates until another trooper picks it up. Safety mechanism. Troopers can also manually deactivate them through their armor if they are disarmed.”

He watched as Rey instead lifted up a block of concrete with the Force and dropped it on the blaster, leaving it in pieces. “One less weapon to use against me,” she said to herself before turning to walk away from him.

“Rey, they’ll locate the beacon of that trooper. You have to leave this planet. I’ll help you.”

They heard the sound of marching troopers in the distance.

“I’ll find another way off. I can evade them until the squadrons leave.” She kept walking away.

“When the squadrons leave, our destroyer will make this planet uninhabitable within seconds.” Something about his tone made Rey pause. She turned around to see him standing with a bare hand extended towards her. He continued, “Come with me. I’ll find a way to return you to the Resistance. I promise.”

After a long moment, Rey made her way back to him. She walked past his offered hand and began climbing the pile of rubble behind him. He joined her and they hurriedly scaled the rubble. She could only imagine the consequences of being seen together near the prone body in white armor. Particularly for him.

Once they were out of range of the resulting explosion, Kylo released the frozen blaster fire. The wave of condensed air still jolted them as they climbed, catching Rey off guard. She stumbled for a moment and Kylo quickly grabbed her arm before she could fall to the jagged mess of broken metal architecture to her left. He removed his hand as soon as she was steady and they resumed their climb.

“Thanks,” Rey said, looking at him briefly.

He glanced back at her and nodded. “My ship is a half mile outside of the rubble zone, opposite where the troopers landed. I’ll explain what I can when we are off the planet.”

She said nothing this as they reached the top of the pile. There were three others to traverse before they could reach the planet’s natural rocky terrain.

They began descending the pile they were on. Halfway down, Rey noticed a group of four troopers approaching from their left. At the same moment, rubble began tumbling down. Rey roughly shoved Kylo behind a larger slab to get out of the line of sight as a trooper stopped to look up.

She turned her back to him to push them further into the shadows.

* * *

Kylo grunted as he was shoved against the hard stone. He noticed Rey was breathing easily despite the exertion of scaling across the rubble. He found himself distracted by her back and shoulders moving against his chest as she pressed them into the shadows. Kylo rested his head back against the concrete to regain his focus.

Rey took a small step forward and peaked around the stone wedge that concealed them. He released a slow breath, glad there was space between them again.

“Are you okay?” Rey was peering back at him.

“Yes,” his voice came out low, “have the troopers passed?”

“Just far enough to knock them down.” She flashed him a small wicked smile. Before he could say anything, she had crouched and navigated down to the Stormtroopers.

Kylo stepped forward to watch her. Rey moved nimbly between the larger pieces of concrete, looking completely at ease in the unstable pile. He watched in amazement as she crept behind the troopers that were oblivious to her approach. They didn’t even have time to pull their blasters as her staff moved in a blur. She knocked two out with her staff and the other two with some well-placed kicks. Kylo hurried down and stopped when he was next to her.

“How many troopers are down here?” Rey inquired.

“Enough to find us if we don’t get out of here soon.” He took a blaster from one of the troopers and shot them each in the same place as the first one. “Let’s go.” Kylo stalked away before she could protest.

They made their way out of the rubble without another incident and stepped onto the flat, slightly rocky terrain of Arvakai. They set off in a run and Rey easily kept pace with his longer stride.

When they were twenty yards from the ship they heard the roar of engines far behind them. Kylo turned to see the Stormtrooper ships rising out of the planet’s atmosphere and towards the hidden space where the Phlogiston lay in wait.

“Frack. Rey, we’ve got about two minutes to get out of here before—“

“Then shut it and run!”

They sprinted the remaining distance to the ship, nearly stumbling over each other as they boarded. Rey found the power panel as Kylo activated the shields. They worked around each other like a well-oiled machine as they readied the ship, but it was slow to power up. As Kylo continued to work on the flight preparation, Rey chanced a glance out the front viewport. A long red beam was expanding from the reaches of space with seemingly no origin.

The ship lifted, but was rocking unsteadily.

“Ren, what’s the hold up? There’s a giant ball of destruction headed towards us!”

“The lateral stabilizer’s circuitry is deficient.” He was investigating the associated panel controls.

The explosion blinded them momentarily as the beam made contact with the planet only a mile away from the ship.

Moving beside Kylo, Rey dropped to the floor and removed the side panel below the appropriate lever. She immediately saw the faulty wires, sparking erratically. She pulled herself under the control board to reach them and set to work.

“Rey they released another blast and the concussion wave from the first one is about to hit us!”

“Almost…” The last two wires were just out of her reach. She pulled herself further under the control board to reach them and quickly rerouted the circuit.

“Now!” Rey yelled as she pushed out from under the board. She made to stand, but was thrown to the side as the concussion wave hit the ship, hitting her head on something sharp.

Rey stood and swayed as she made her way to the seat next to Kylo. She had just sat down as he threw the thruster to the forward position. The ship began to move as second beam made contact with the ground and the fire from the explosion engulfed the ship for a moment before they shot away from the planet.

After narrowly escaping the now volatile atmosphere, Kylo quickly set the navigational system to their destination and made the jump to light speed.

After setting the ship to autopilot, he turned to look at Rey. He was about to comment on her work with the lateral stabilizer, but saw she was holding a hand to the side of her head. When she pulled it back it was covered in blood. He immediately moved to help her, but she halted him by holding out her bloodied hand.

“I’m fine. I’ve had worse.” Rey gestured again for him to keep his distance. “Where the frack did that destructive beam come from? There was no ship.”

“Our new destroyer is… hidden.”

“How is that even possible?”

Kylo rattled off the complex astrophysics involved in bending space and gravity to create the wormhole in which the Phlogiston resided. He looked up expecting her to be confused, but she had understood every word.

“How did you understand all that? You’ve had no training.”

“Same way I knew how to fix the lateral stabilizer. I’ve spent my whole life around old ships, most of them Dark, and some of them still had material stored on their drives I could learn from.”

Rey made to stand up, but swayed dangerously.

Kylo again moved to help her, but she shook her head as she sat back down, wincing as she returned her hand to her head. “I told you I’m fine. Now you said you’d explain so answer my questions!”

“I won’t answer anything until you at least let me clean you up,” he implored. They glared at each other as a blood began to drip from over Rey’s left eyebrow. She gave in with a nod.

He left the cockpit area for a minute and returned with the ship’s medical kit. She reluctantly removed her hand from her forehead to let him see the wound. Kylo pulled out a gauze soaked in a blue liquid, then pushed her hair back to assess the cut. “It’s not too deep. Just needs to be cleaned up so it doesn’t fester. My Knight, Maika, has a propensity for healing with the Force…” he trailed off when he saw the expression on her face. “Where else would I take you? You have no inclination as to where your traitor friends are. The First Order is definitely not an option, not to mention nearly every planet has a bounty on your head.”

“All thanks to you,” Rey rebuked.

He gave her a pointed look. “You can stay with my Knights until you find the Resistance. I assume that radio still works,” he gestured towards her hip, where the radio was miraculously still intact.

“You haven’t left me much of a choice, despite your intentions.”

“You always have a choice,” he responded, referring to more than the moment they were in.

Rey let his comment hang there as he cleaned her wound. He was gentle about it, but didn’t treat her like she was fragile either. Once it was clean, he pressed gauze to the wound to stop the bleeding. He bent his knees into a crouch, his head now lower than hers in her chair. They sat like this in silence for a while. Rey closed her eyes as the warm pressure he applied with his hand provided some relief for the pain in her head. Eventually, Kylo peaked under the gauze to find a descent clot forming. Rey opened her eyes at the movement to find Kylo looking up at her.

“It was me,” he stated, a confession. Rey’s brow creased, causing the cut to bleed again. Her thoughts were fuzzy, making it difficult to follow what he was talking about. “You need to keep your face still if I’m going to patch you up.”

Rey forced her face to relax, finding their situation bewildering to say the least and still not understanding what Kylo was referring to. He applied a pressure bandage and stood up, still looking at her.

“It was me. I located your base.” He never broke eye contact. “I can’t tell you how.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

He let his silence answer that question. _You’d never forgive me if you knew how._ She had subconsciously reached for the crystals that hung around her neck, not knowing she held the answer in her hands.

After a beat, he said, “I made sure there was as little damage as possible.”

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, “Your _little damage_ killed ten brave and innocent people. They were teenagers in training that were just keeping the base operational!”

“Would you rather I attacked and obliterated everyone? Rey it was the only option that could end the way—“

“What are you playing at, Kylo? Minimizing our losses, but still attacking? Killing your own troopers just now? Who are you even loyal to?”

“I am loyal to my Knights as they are loyal to me… And I know how all of this looks, but the First Order is just a valuable tool. If I revealed my intent to them, they would become my enemy, just as yours. For now, my position is solid. I can mold their plans and keep their intelligence to my devices.”

“That doesn’t make it _right_.” She stared him down, but his indomitable expression did not break.

She sighed before asking her next question, “Canto Bight. Why did you tell me about the boy if you just wanted him for yourself?”

“Not for myself, I did it for him. It’s his best chance to train with my Knights. But it wasn’t about the boy, not entirely.”

“Then what…” she trailed off, still holding on to the crystals that hung around her neck, holding a piece of him. She looked so lost.

“Rey, you are becoming an extremely powerful Force user. You are an asset to the Resistance. They don’t stand a chance without you.” His eyes cast down and his bottom lip quivered as he chewed over his thoughts before deciding to continue. When he did, a new raw emotion in his tone conveyed an entirely different meaning. “Neither do I.”

Her expression changed from one of disapproval to that of vulnerability, her mouth opening slightly. His eyes met hers again and air between them changed, as if the poles on repelling magnets suddenly switched. Their energy once again flowed toward one another instead of pushing them apart. Neither of them had moved, but they somehow seemed closer together. Something passed between them and despite everything, Rey found that she trusted him.

The planetary approach alert went off and they reluctantly broke from the moment that had consumed them.

They looked out the viewport as the ship dropped out of hyperspace and a small planet came into view. Rey sat in silence as she watched the approach, still unsure what to say.

It was a relatively hot and humid planet, with low sparse clouds that formed a near constant haze. As they approached closer to the ground, Rey saw enormous slow-moving veins of lava flowing from volcanic mountains. The mountains were at most a half-mile high, but most of their diameters stretched across many miles. There were sparse patches of green scattered throughout the surface in the valleys between them.

Kylo piloted the ship towards one of the green patches, then veered to the cold and dark dormant volcano that stood unforgiving beside the rich tropical forest. There was something arcane about the forest that raised the hairs on Rey’s back.

Once they were closer, Rey could see multiple caves on the looming face of the volcanic mountain, large enough for ship storage and landing.

As they neared one of the dark caves, Rey glanced at the smaller active volcano across from their destination. It was relatively close, only about a mile away. It wept a slow and steady stream of lava from a cavern halfway up its peak. A black and rocky ridge spanned between the two peaks, connecting them halfway up. The odd swirling patterns that rose and fell across the ridge almost seemed out of place.

Kylo navigated into the lowest cave and Rey struggled to see in the sudden darkness. Looking out in front of the ship, she could barely make out several figures cloaked in black as they touched the ground. She suddenly felt very apprehensive as the reality of her situation hit her. She stood, still swaying slightly from her head wound, and moved towards the exit.

He seemed to sense her discomfort as he pulled the lever to lower the ramp. “They know how important you are. My Knights won’t harm you, Rey.”

Kylo stepped behind her, his hand moving to rest on her back as it had once before.

With her next step, she was sturdy once again and together they descended into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts about Jana? Next chapter you'll actually meet the rest of the Knights!
> 
> Ben thinks he has to make all the decisions himself and struggles to trust others, leading to drastic consequences... maybe Rey can turn him around.
> 
> Yeah, Tavion isn't his canon name.. but I started writing this before I found that out and it's decided to stick for this fic. *shrugs*
> 
> I wrote these first four chapters last spring. And now the fifth chapter is ALMOST done. I apologize in advance for any slow updates, but the story will go on!
> 
> Tumblr: @whereillbetheothersideofeternity


	5. Only Separated By

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey meets the Knights of Ren.

_Through it all_

_I can see_

_We are too different._

_Two different sides of the Force_

_Only separated by_

* * *

A resounding echo bounced off the dark cave walls as they stepped onto the hardened lava. As soon as Rey made contact with the cave floor, a similar resonance of the Force rippled through her body. She couldn’t quite place the nature of its energy and neither could she stop the energy as it flowed through her.

They stepped into view of the shadowy figures standing vigil. Ben backed away from her and the warmth on her back from his hand gave way to a cool breeze, causing an uncomfortable shiver to run down her spine. With it, the intense connection to the planet beneath her feet dimmed.

The small amount of light filtering into the cave allowed her vision to adjust and the six imposing figures took on more clarity.

Silent and still, the Knights of Ren assembled in loose formation. When they were five feet away, Rey could see their masks, each individually and expertly crafted. She began assessing the figures. A stout figure on the left. A taller figure second to the right, shifting weight fluidly. She was unable to see their eyes, yet somehow the masks made their gazes more penetrating.

Ben shifted behind her and the masks turned minutely to follow his movement. Not watching her, then; watching Kylo Ren. Her assessment of her situation shifted: their masks angled too high to be focused on her. She was all but invisible to the attention of the Knights in front of her. With a subtle hand signal from the entity behind her, the cloaked figures turned silently and left the room through a dark tunnel to their left.

She half turned toward Ben, but stilled when she saw his expressionless face staring back at her, a stranger once again.

“This way,” he commanded as his hand gripped her arm, steering her toward the same tunnel. His guidance felt more like a prison march than the support he offered moments ago.

Darkness immediately blanketed her vision. Only the grip on her arm prevented her from colliding with the walls of the cave as they navigated the twists and turns of the volcanic cave system.The ground was smooth and her footsteps echoed in the silence, but the man behind her barely made a sound. She stumbled once when the floor angled up, but her prison guard kept her on her feet. She felt a brief pause after he righted her, a small break in his façade, before they resumed their march into the depths of the volcano.

After a while, Rey thought she caught glimpses of glowing orange threads running along the ceiling and walls. It started out so faint that Rey thought her eyes were playing tricks on her. Before long those thin threads grew into an intricate capillary system, and thein into thick veins that looked like the edges of long-burning wood. She fought to hold in her awe when the veins joined together until the entirety of the stone making up the walls and ceiling flickered like burning coals.

Then she noticed a brighter glow at the end of the tunnel. The glow resolved to reveal a river of lava running perpendicular to the hallway. She heard the ghost of the sound of flowing water in the distance Before she could make out how wide it was, she felt the pressure on her arm turn her to the left, then loosen. She turned around to see the red glow of the distant lava throw Ben’s scar into sharp relief.

He was looking at the wall to his left with a severe expression on his face, tightly reigning in whatever he really wanted to say.

“You can stay here until we can locate The Resistance.” He leaned across her to open the door, eyes still staring at the wall.

A pause again. And this time he let his thought flow. “It worry it was a mistake to bring you here,” he said, his lips barely moving. “My Knights, they won’t hurt you, but…” He shook his head. His fingers, still wrapped around her arm, were now only tight enough for the warmth of his hand to seep into the fabric of her armwrap. “…but you’ll have to earn their trust and respect on your own. As you have mine.”

He finally looked at her. The steady glow of the walls was reflected in the warmth of his irises, and for a moment she forgot how to breathe.

“There is a fresher in-,” he cleared his throat as his gaze returned to the wall behind her, “in there if you need it.”

His voice was clipped when he spoke again. “Someone will come to retrieve you for dinner.” His fingers ghosted along her arm as he turned and strode away.

* * *

Rey sat on the floor of her room with her back against the wall, where she had been since she washed up, staring at the radio situated on the hard ground in front of her, its silence a hollow echo in her ears.

A sharp rap on the door broke her concentration and she stood to open it. Instead of Ben, one of his Knights waited in the hallway, sans his mask. He was a stout boulder of a man, bald and thick-headed. A warm smile spreads across his features as he offered his right hand.

It took a moment to get over her shock at the gesture before she accepted it.

“Dornan,” he offered as he gave her hand one firm shake. His hand matched the rest of his body: thick and solid. His skin was rough and his voice gravely. “Follow me.”

After clipping the radio to her hip, she fell into step behind him through the dark hallways until they entered a small kitchen. A three piece counter, sink, and stove lined the wall to her left.  Metal chairs were settled haphazardly around a table to her right, where sunlight streamed through a round window the size of Dornan’s head.

Dornan handed her a metal bowl and spoon from a shelf above the sink. He scooped her bowl full of the stew that was sitting in a large pot. The smell wafting from it made her mouth water. She took a sip and felt the warmth spread in her stomach. Then, she scarfed it down, ignoring how it scalded her throat.

Once finished, Rey looked back up at Dornan, whose face was frozen in surprise. His bowl was still full and he was blowing on his spoon, which still held his first bite. He raised an eyebrow before tracking the spoon the rest of the way to his mouth, clamping down with his teeth. He chewed and swallowed slowly before walking over to sit in a chair.

He considered Rey from where she still stood near the doorway.

She placed her bowl on the counter and moved to lean against the open wall.

Dornan watched her with a curious expression. After slurping loudly, he said, “You’re allowed to sit.” He gestured with his spoon

She glanced toward the door before redirecting her steps to sit in a chair with its back to the far wall. Rey watched the doorway, listening for movement over the sound Dornan’s constant slurping.

Halfway through his bowl, the other Knights arrived. They talked amongst themselves as they took servings of stew. A stiff silence descended once they noticed her. One by one, they sat down to eat their stew in silence.

A female with a soft voice was the first to speak. “Dornan, has Master Ren spoken to you regarding tonight’s training?”

“We are to meet him and Tavion out by Rokeshau Ridge. He failed to divulge the schedule.”

The female Knight bobbed her head. She made eye contact with Rey; the first one besides Dornan to do so. “I’m Maika, by the way.” A smile graced her features; a soft face and short whispy white hair.

Maika’s introduction seemed to break the others’ trepidation and the rest of the Knights introduced themselves.

A male named Niam, who seemed human but for his extra thumbs and the faint scaled appearance of his dark skin.

A female called Vindur with willowy limbs.

Rasho, with his intricate wine-stained pattern across every visible surface of skin.

Last was another female. She had never taken a seat, preferring to lean against the side wall. Her hair, a light blue-grey, was pulled back in a thick braid. The sharp contrast between her hair and dark skin accented the strong lines of her face. Tall and lean, she observed Rey with a harsh expression while the others introduced themselves. The pitch black cloth that covered her eyes made her scrutiny all the more unnerving.

They all looked at the female Knight expectantly. She waited, perfectly comfortable with the silence in the room. Eventually, she spoke in a low voice that carried effortlessly across the room, “I’m Jana. I’ll be running our training session tonight.”

Jana waited a beat, then strode out of the room.

“Don’t you worry about her; we’re not even sure if she likes us half the time,” Dornan assured her as he stood up and nudged Rey’s shoulder.

Rey can’t decide which is stranger; Jana’s introduction or Dornan’s remark.

Dornan exhaled a slow breath as if to dispel the lingering tenseness of the air. “That’s our cue though.” And the Knights stood in preparation to leave the room.

Dornan turned to face Rey. “You don’t have to join us,” He quirked an eyebrow again. “But I’d be lying if I said we weren’t curious to see what you can do. We rarely ever land a scratch on Master Ren during training.”

As Rey followed Dornan out of the room, she could feel the rest mentally sizing her up as they fell in line behind her.

They walked through the maze of tunnels, eventually travelling parallel to the river of lava and exiting into the blinding sun, which was still surprisingly high in the sky.

The lava flowed steadily off to their left, and to their right was the undulating surface of cooled lava rock, the plateau large enough to hold a four Mon Calamari Cruisers. A square gauge in the mountain wall just to the right of the entranceway held an array of weapons. In the distance, three figures sat on the rocky surface. Rey instantly recognized Ben among the group. Jana’s blue hair glinted in the sunlight from where she sat next to him. Their bodies leaned toward one another in an intense discussion.

And sitting beside them was a smaller figure. Rey instantly knew who it was as they walked closer.

The boy went bug eyed when Rey reached the group. His mousey brown hair was messy and he scrambled to his feet to approach her.

“You must be Rey! I’ve heard so much about you! I’m Tavion” he exclaimed with a toothy grin, glancing to Kylo and back at her. He thrusts his right hand up for her to shake it.

 Rey shakes his hand with a smile. “It’s very nice to meat you.” He beams, then ventured over to Dornan and waved his arms excitedly at Dornan as he and the other Knights retrieved weapons.

Rey stood a few paces from where Ben sat as she watched their interaction. She removed her staff from its place on her back, then eyed Kylo’s saber attached to his belt. A strange longing pulled through her for a moment and she found herself grasping for the ghost of the Legacy saber. Her hand landed on the silent radio instead. Kylo noticed her movement. An odd expression crossed his face and Rey wrote it off as derision. Perhaps he blamed her for the saber breaking.

Once they were all seated amongst the circle of rocks, Jana positioned herself in the middle of the group and spoke with authority, “Tonight’s training will have two phases, as usual. Both phases tonight will be strict non-force combat.” Dornan groaned, earning him a sharp glare from Jana. “Now that we are all together again, it will be good to see how we work together after our time spent on our missions. In addition, we have Tavion and Rey that will be training with us tonight.”

They all put their weapons down and Rey followed the group to the open area away from the circle of rocks. Tavion kept close to Rey, side-eyeing her and observing her every move. Rey found herself unsure how to interact with the boy.

They began with a warm up, which Rey hardly thought necessary given the heat and humidity, but she mimicked the Knights as they ran, shuffled and even crawled across the uneven ground. By the end, her hands were stained black by the igneous rock and her breaths came out in huffs.

As the group made their way back to the circle of rocks, Jana Ren removed her black tunic. Rey averted her eyes, only for them to land on Ben peeling off his own. She felt her cheeks burn as she remembered the last time she had seen him like this. A thin sheen of sweat covered his chest and Rey had to stop her eyes from tracking a drip of sweat down his hardened stomach. She quickly looked back up, to find his gaze locked onto hers.

Jana, who now wore knee length pants and a black cloth that crisscrossed across her upper torso, positioned herself to instruct the group once again.

“For combat, we will break into groups of three. Our first round will be hand-to-hand, the second with our weapons. Our goal tonight is to assess each other’s progress since our last training session together many months ago. This fits nicely with our two… guests.”

“What are the groups?” Dornan interjects, as he reaches his arms up to stretch out his side.

“I will work with Tavion and Maika. Niam, you are with Rasho. That leaves Master Ren to work with Dornan and Rey,” she instructed as she pointed out the groups with her hands. Rey wondered how Jana could possibly know where to point with that cloth over her eyes.

Kylo then stepped forward and said, “You all know the rules for combat assessment training. No moves with the intent to kill.” He looked severely at Jana where she stood beside him.

After that, they dispersed to separate areas in the field. The gravity of the situation began to hit Rey. She had to train with Ben. She hadn’t fought against him in direct combat since the forest. And after fighting with him, she didn’t know if she can.

Dornan clapped a thick hand on her shoulder and asked, “Okay there, Rey? I promise I’ll go easy on ya.”

Rey glanced at Dornan’s face and found herself speaking truthfully to him, “It’s not you I’m worried about.” She eyed Ben as he walked in front of them to their designated training area.

Dornan patted her shoulder twice as he assured her, “Oh, I think you’ll be surprised. It may be difficult to believe, but Master Ren is an excellent teacher.” Dornan then lengthened his stride to fall in step with Ben.

Rey paused a moment before joining them, still unsure what to make of Dornan’s friendliness.

Once she reached them, Kylo spoke to her for the first time since dropping her at her room. “You’ll observe first and see what you can learn from Dornan and-“.

His words were cut off as Dornan tackled him from the side. She heard Kylo swear as he twisted in the air, changing the momentum of the tackle to throw Dornan off of him as he rolled onto his back. Dornan tumbled to the side while Ben used his momentum to roll his legs over his right shoulder, immediately regaining his footing.

The two men then circled each other and Rey was enraptured by their movements. When they came together again, they fought with a combination of kicks, punches, and acrobatic movements. Kylo had the advantage in his height and long reach, but Dornan had a strong defense, always keeping his limbs and head tight to his body, making it difficult for Ben to gain a solid hold on the man. Dornan couldn’t hold Kylo off for long, however. Kylo’s sheer brutality to his fighting style won out and Dornan ended up pinned with his arms twisted behind his back.

They continued for two more rounds and Rey noticed an opening in Ben’s movements. He was reckless in his attacks. The lack of self-preservation that made his attacks nearly impossible to defend also left him vulnerable for a split second with each move. This worked against Dornan, whose movements were nearly always defensive. But perhaps, if she were to attack in the moment of vulnerability as he overthrows an arm… she might have a shot.

They each drank from a canteen of water after the third round, then Dornan approached Rey. He flashed her a feral smile and taunted, “You and I next, Rey.” It was somehow terrifying and hilarious at the same time and Rey smirked at him in return.

“Rey, wait.” She straightened her knees and turned to see Ben walking toward her. He pulled her aside by her arm and began talking in a low tone, “When you have the opportunity, sweep his left knee… here.” His hand pressed down briefly on the tight tendons on the outside of her knee. “…at a ninety degree angle.”

His breath tickled the side of her face. Rey nodded, then breathed a sigh of relief when Ben released her. The nervousness she felt whenever he was close felt foreign and dangerous.

Rey took a deep breath and assumed a low and balanced stance. Dornan approached her and threw a right hook. Her reflexes kicked in and Rey quickly dodged. Not wasting a beat, Dornan launched a kick at her stomach as she crouched down. She gasped for air when his shin made contact, retreating quickly. Her gaze flickered to Ben where he stood, his fists clenched and his arms crossed.

Dornan gave her a moment before advancing again. Rey noticed a loose patch of ash near his feet and quickly dropped to the ground, spinning on her right foot as she kicked the dust at his face with her left. In the moment it took him to cough and wipe his eyes, Rey ran and leapt to land a sharp jab at his throat. Dornan bent over and wheezed for a moment, but jabbed his knee into her side before she could move away, making her double over.

When Dornan relaxed for a moment, Rey feinted up high, before swiping her leg around to make contact with his knee, right where Ben had told her. He crumbled to the ground. After a pause of hesitation, Rey dove on the man in an attempt to secure his arms and pin him to the ground.

Their round continued much like that. Eventually, Rey managed to trick Dornan into tripping over a small rock and pinned him just long enough to win. To her surprise, she rapidly adjusted to Dornan’s style, and easily overtook him again. Then again in the third round.

Afterward, Dornan grinned up at her from where he was splayed flat on his back. Rey offered her hand and helped the man stand up.

Dornan whistled as he plopped a hand on her shoulder once more. “Great round, Rey.” He complimented earnestly, then lowered his voice. “Master Ren was right to tell us not to underestimate you.” He nudged her shoulder in a way that was quickly becoming familiar.

Dornan then ventured over to his water canteen and Ben approached her once more.

“Your defensive movements are spectacular, but you seem hesitant to throw back...”

Ben talked her through important moments from her round, pointing out the subtle changes that could enhance the power behind her offensive movements.

Following his instruction, Rey took a sip from of her water canteen and rubbed her side absently, where she could feel a large bruise forming.

She then watched as Ben talked to Dornan in low tones. She looked around and caught many of the Knights sharing covert glances toward her. Perhaps she should have pretended to be less adept at defending herself, as the Knights’ affiliations still seemed so blurred. She felt her lips turn down as she considered having to kill Dornan in combat. Reluctantly, she committed herself to observing each fighting style around her to better help the Resistance when the time came.

She spat out her water to rid her mouth of the dust she had inhaled and returned to their training area. Next, she would take on Ben.

After a beat, Ben finished his conversation with Dornan and assumed his position across from her. Then they began.

They feinted around each other at first, both reading the other’s intentions before a move was completed. Rey also sensed a hint of reluctance in how he advanced on her. After the first punch he lands, one to her upper arm, he grimaced as if he had landed it on himself.

Rey then realized that her attacks would never reach him if she skirted outside of range of his long arms. Time to take some risks.

She shuffled to her left, then feinted as he swung with his right arm and lunged to her right. As she predicted, he slightly overthrew and had too much weight on his left foot. She wrapped an arm around his leg and whipped herself in a circle. Ben quickly crumbled as his knees give out. His left arm reached out to balance him and Rey clasped it to wrench his elbow forward and his wrist back, subsequently reaching a leg up and landing a blow to the back of his shoulder. He twisted onto his stomach and was in an awkward enough position on the ground that she could pin him for just a moment.

She took the opportunity to press a knee into his back. She heard Dornan whoop from somewhere behind her, and was suddenly aware that the rest of the knights had gathered around to watch as well.

Mid-lunge, she weakened her attack. Ben quickly took advantage of the opening, and she struggled just enough to make it believable.

She was quickly pinned by his body with one arm underneath bent backwards. His hand not holding her arm was gripping around her collarbone. From experience, she knew that a little more pressure applied for a certain amount of time would render her unconscious, but his grip is only firm, not tight.

She stilled underneath him as she voiced her surrender for the round.

Breathing hard, Rey slowly extricated herself from Ben’s body. He popped up, standing close enough for her to see the sheen of sweat that covered his chest. Not that she looked.

He gazed down at her with an amused expression. “Well that’s a first for us,” he states. She felt oddly unsettled by him saying _us._

Rey was about to respond when Jana’s voice interrupted, full of challenge. “She threw the round.”

Rey was about to protest, but Jana held up a hand and fixed her with her masked gaze. “Don’t even try denying it. I saw your capabilities against Dornan.” Jana then gestured around the group. “Did anyone think to mention the consequences to her?”

Ben’s face was suddenly tight, his lips pressed in a thin line. His eyes flashed in warning at the Knight.

Jana ignored his glare. “Rey, you wouldn’t hold back in a life or death situation, so you _will_ learn to give everything in your training. And quickly. Our consequences for holding back during training are quite severe, not to mention dangerous. Consider this your only warning.”

Rey held her ground. Her voice was calm, but an undercurrent of power rippled through the air as she spoke. “Consider this _your_ only warning; I will not be threatened again.”

The tension was palpable between the two females. Finally, Jana relented. “Very well.” She addressed the rest of the group, “We will move on to Phase 2 of training before turning in for the night. Instead of further combat, we will drill forms using unfamiliar weapons…”

Several minutes later, Rey found herself holding two small daggers and following the instruction of the wispy-haired and petite Maika Ren. She spent the rest of the training session attempting to mimic the short warrior’s deft movements. Subtle shifts in weight and foot placements to close the distance to a target. Specific rotations of the wrist designed to hide the bladed from view. Whenever Maika demonstrated at full speed, Rey couldn’t track the blades fast enough, only catching a glimpse of a dagger before it sunk to the hilt into the training dummy.

That night, Rey was slow to fall asleep on the small cot. She finally drifted off while holding the radio to her chest, clinging to the hope that somewhere out there her friends were alive and thinking about her too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp. This chapter took me a good 5 months to write. FEELS SO GOOD TO POST IT!  
> Little bit of a break in terms of plot, but I have a thing for training/practicing of any kind :)  
> I'd love to hear who your favorite KoR is so far! We'll get to know them better as we continue along.
> 
> Tumblr: @whereillbeothersideofeternity
> 
> Thanks for reading :D

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr: @whereillbetheothersideofeternity  
> Also on FF.net: Othersideofeternity (same fics)
> 
> I'm sorry I'm a slow writer! But the story will go on.


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